..so i am home..

finally

i am home
a big YEAY!
for i wait this very moment a long time ago
however,
the feeling is not as 'yeay' as i imagine
something is still missing
that 'someone' that i really wanna meet when im here
is not really here
i havent heard from him since im landing here,
in malaysia

you know who you are
please contact me
please do so
i will wait

but the family
im happy with them
i gonna cherish every moment with them as long as i am here

and i bet,
my summer will be great
and it will be more great if i could spend the whole summer with him

..fear..

im scared,
the feeling might fade away

im scared,
i might not feel it anymore

im scared,
i might lost the feeling

the feeling that i cherish all this while

..nothing..

during the exam week, i was hoping the exam finish faster
now that the exam had finished
i dun really feel the excitation after finishing exam
i wonder what happen to the feeling

i want to treasure the feeling
the feeling that i thought would be great
but now, i guess i will never really feel it, right?

..sometimes I forget..

"But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you;

and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you.

And Allah Knows, while you know not"(2:216)

..kecewa..

semalam saya dah bercinta puas-puas dengan makhluk halus
berjam-jam saya luangkan masa dengan dia
untuk cari kata putus
tentang hubungan saya dengan dia
sampai penat jari jemari saya terangkan pada dia
betapa dalamnya cinta saya padanya
tapi saya sedikit kecewa
tak seperti yang saya harapkan
tapi tidak mengapa lah
saya dah berusaha sedaya upaya
sekarang saya akan tunggu balasan cinta dari dia
semoga cinta saya akan dibalas

..whatever..

kalau setakat nak mengamuk
dan lepaskan geram kat aku

BACK OFF!

..easy yet hard..

"Missing someone gets easier everyday because

even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them,

you are one day closer to the next time you will see them again."

..can i skip the title..

i dun like this feeling i have right now
at one time i feel so secured about everything
and at other time i feel insecured about every single thing

no,
i dun like it

..escapism..

im bored last night
lonely and feeling left out
i feel like i wanna run away as far as i could from my life
but until where should i run?
_______________________________________

i cant study last night
everything i read seem fuzzy
not even a single fact stuck in my head
i guess im bored with this week routine
study makan study makan study tido study
i know, boring
luckily i have this one friend who remind me
quality is far more important than quantity
i forget about that
i totally forget
thanks friend for reminding me
and accompany me last night :D

and now i wanna find something to escape awhile from my notes and books
driving around and do some shopping maybe?hehe
already found a friend to shop with me :D
yeay!

hopefully after the escape
the mind is refreshed
and the enthusiasm is there again

..of dream..

you kissed me in my dream last night
it was a brief kiss-on-the-lips
before you pulled away
when i wake up
the kiss still lingers
like it always do

i miss you

..bercinta dengan makhluk-makhluk halus..

saya dah cuba bercinta dengan mereka
berjam-jam saya mengadap, bercengkerama bersama mereka
saya cuba tanam perasaan cinta saya pada mereka
tapi saya masih gagal mencintai makhluk-makhluk halus itu
molekul halus lebih menarik perhatian saya daripada makhluk itu
cinta tak boleh dipaksa, sangat benarkan?
tapi saya masih percaya cinta boleh dipupuk
tapi saya perlukan cinta itu sekarang
walaupun sebentar, walaupun mungkin hanya 2 minggu ini

*simptom microbiology sudah keluar*

..42 months and still counting..

saya sayang awak

banyak, macam saya suka coklat

seumur hidup saya,

tak pernah sekali pun saya benci coklat

kalau dah habis saya makan

mesti saya akan cari lagi

macam tu jugak lah saya sayang awak

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SAYANG

..definition of love..

This is my own defintion of love.
i heart each of them oh-so-much.
their loves never fail to put a smile on my face.

mak,
i miz you ask me what i wanna eat for dinner
instead of cooking my own dinner now :(
i really miz your cooking
even it only telur goreng with sambal belacan

bapak,
i miz you babbling about anything when you were driving
eventhough sometime i have to admit its annoying *ampun*

abg ayeng,
i miz to hear your story
eventhough sometime you just repeating the same story again and again
you good at telling story
but i have to admit mak and i get boring sometime though..hehe
and you such a protective brother
i still remember when you scolded me because you thought im 'serong' from school
but that time, instead of feeling loved by you i felt you were just wanna channel your anger to me
but now im growing up, i know that you did that because you love me :D
and during my PMR examination,

you called me everyday just to ask how was the paper and you encouraged me to study hard
i felt loved that time, thanks big bro
and remember when you gave me a birthday present that you made from corals?
but your lil sister just dunno how to appreciate it and took out all the corals that you glued onto the box with patient

i really am sorry, big bro
if only i can turn back time, i will make sure i keep the present as beautiful as it is

abg din,
i miz to have fight with you
but now you've become a father, i guess we can never really fight like before kan?
you such an annoying brother
but still i love you, bro
remember when you throw me a birthday party when i was 18?
but im keeping you waiting because i chose my friends over you to celebrate my birthday
im so sorry, bro
once again, if i can turn back time, i will choose to stay at home that day and waiting you bring my birthday cake

haikal,
you getting bigger now,
and dah pandai merajuk
stop growing so fast dear,
your auntie still wanna play with the little you
and ouh,
i forgot to tell
this spoil kid love to eat
i wonder where he got the genes from..hehe
did i said spoil?yes, he is a spoil brat
blame his nenek, atuk, makcik, pakcik, his mama and papa..hehe

hafizi,
wait for your auntie

she is coming
i cant wait to see you
and caring the little you in my arm
you must be such a cute boy

my dearest boyfriend, mohd taufiq aqmal
i miz every single thing about you, dear
especially when you smile and your eyes are barely seen..hehe *jangan marah tau..but i really miz it*
i miz spending a good time with you
especially when we just sit at kl sentral and talk about everything
we even talked about a poster that you claimed smiling at you..remember?
every single time i spent with you is precious to me :D

and im looking forward to spend more good time with you again

soon!

Thanks ALLAH for sending each of them to me. Thanks everyone for these much loves, i feel bless having each and everyone of you in my life.

and now i am counting days to see each and everyone of you

*22 days to go*

..terima kasih..

kan senang kalau aku boleh benci kau
sakit hati aku ade kau kisah?
berkali-berkali kau sakitkan
dan aku
macam orang bodoh
biarkan kau sakitkan aku berkali-kali

terima kasih untuk malam ini

..tumpuan..

bahasa melayu itu indah
bila disusun dengan baik

mampu membuat aku menangis sedih

atau menangis gembira

lupakan yang remeh temeh
tumpukan pada yang lebih penting

..confuse..

n now i really confuse

or maybe it just me

or im just too worry about the thing i shouldn't

but i do confuse now

lets hope its nothing

..more to foodlist..

• big breakfast mcD
• zinger burger KFC
• chocolate from him
• aiskrim mcD
• potato salad kenny rogers
• secret recipe's choc cheese cake
• keropok lekor
• yong tau fu
• burger tepi jalan
• tau fu fa
• segala jenis asam
• gado-gado
• rendang nenek saye
• sambal udang
• anything with udang

*29hari lagi*

..makan-makan sebelum exam..

ah,
saya gembira
betul saya tak tipu
bergelak ketawa seperti dunia kami yang punya
sambil makan berkotak-kotak pizza
dan berbatang-batang kentang goreng
juga cream puff yang gemuk dan sihat
dan tidak lupa juga kek keju kegemaran
yang sering memberikan saya perasaan yang tidak dapat digambarkan dengan kata-kata apabila keju mencair di dalam mulut
sungguh saya tak tipu
kata-kata komersial KFC, sehingga menjilat jari
mungkin dapat menggambarkan sedikit sebanyak perasaan saya

ah,
tapi bukan itu sahaja faktor utama saya gembira
tapi mereka-mereka yang hadir yang menjadi faktor utama
mereka-mereka yang sentiasa ada kala orang yang disayangi semua berada jauh sekali
mereka-mereka semua kelihatan gembira hari ini
bergelak ketawa terbahak-bahak
seperti tidak betul lagaknya
dari bab yang sekecil zarah pun menjadi bahan gelak
cahaya-cahaya yang bersinar menambahkan lagi kegirangan hati kami
di mana sahaja ada cahaya itu
semua pun beriya-iya mempamerkan keputihan gigi masing-masing
seperti iklan ubat gigi sahaja lagaknya
tapi itu betul-betul buat saya gembira

ah,
terima kasih untuk hari ini
selepas ini mereka-mereka dan saya
akan sibuk mengejar cita-cita
mungkin selepas tuntutan dunia kami penuhi
akan kami akan berparti liar lagi
dan mungkin bergelak ketawa lebih dari tadi

ah,
saya doakan semoga semua akan berjaya
menjalani minggu-minggu mendatang dengan tenang
akan saya tunggu dengan sabar hari-hari
kita akan bergelak ketawa lagi

terima kasih rakan-rakan!

ouh,
terima kasih juga kepada chill berperisa cola
terasa segar menikmati kesejukannya pada malam hari
di musim bunga ini

:D

..simptom..

urgh!
saya tidak dapat merasionalkan diri sendiri
hati ini memberontak ingin keluar dari nota-nota yang bersepahan
pergi ke pusat beli belah
melihat barang-barang yang nampak indah di pandangan mata
banyak yang ingin dibeli
seperti ia tidak sabar-sabar minta dibeli
selagi tidak ada di depan mata
hati ini seakan tidak puas
menjerit-jerit minta dipuaskan

urgh!
tolong saya
katakan pada hati ini supaya lebih rasional

mungkin saya patut ikut kata hati
tapi ada yang mengatakan
ikut hati mati
ikut rasa binasa
lantas,
apa yang patut diikut?

urgh!
seperti mahu menjerit pada diri sendiri
tapi terasa seperti bodoh

ouh,
mungkin simptom-simptom sudah keluar
bila jajan-jajan semakin bertambah
bila coklat rasa lebih lazat berbanding biasa
bila nota-nota semakin bersepahan di atas meja
bila internet lebih indah untuk mengisi masa
bila permainan komputer terasa menghiburkan
bila pusat beli belah semakin memanggil-manggil
bila tidur semakin tidak menentu
bila masa seperti bergerak pantas
dan saya seperti tercungap-cungap mengejar masa

urgh!

..happy..

1. the love letter from HIM is the best love letter ever. It never fails to make me happy even at my worst.
2. I want the happy ending. He does said, "Oleh itu, setiap kesusahan akan disertai kesenangan. Setiap kesusahan akan disertai kesenangan. Kemudian apabila selesai (daripada sesuatu amalan), maka bersungguh-sungguhlah engkau berusaha. Dan kepada Tuhanmu sahajalah tempat engkau bermohon." (Al- Insyirah, 94: 5-8). He is the best ever.
3. people come and go, but He will alwiz be there for me.

..peace..

walking at the city after the class
enough to make me feel calm
seeing a bunch of people with different style and characteristics
sometime makes me smiling
seeing older couples holding hand
with smile in their face like they are satisfied with their life
makes me wonder if i ever found someone who willing to spend his whole life with me
and grow old together
the scenery in the city is enough to make peace stay in my heart
even just for a while
its enough to make me forget a while about my busy life

:D

..missing..

Where did he go?
seeing him online is enough for me
but now,
even seeing him virtually is impossible
lately study is conquering us
and time seem jealous to us

i will try to hide the feeling as much as i can
masking it with smile and laugh
but deep inside misery is the companion

..the very beginning..

..Dengan Nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah Lagi Maha Penyayang..

After much of thinking
finally i decided to start blogging
why?
maybe someday i will share it with u
but for now let me keep it for myself