..where art thou..

im doing my usual routine, blog hoping from one blog to another. i love to read about how the blogger express what they feel into words. i adore the writing that can makes me feel about how they really feel just by reading their words. i adore how they can use and arrange the words beautifully and sometimes i just adore the writing that i cant understand the meaning. its like mystery, only the writer and few can understand. hehe. but, i dont have such gift. i dunno how to express my feeling through words. in fact i dunno how to express them. only few people close to me know how i really feel sometimes. the truth is i just dunno how to express or tell anyone about my feeling. heh. i guess that is me.

ok but that is not the point of my entry today, after reading one of my friend entry, i feel i need to find my passion towards what im doing doing now. i mean pharmacy, drugs, patient, disease, etc. i used to have a passion about drugs and chemistry. but now, i dunno where its go; my passion. my friend feel really sad about her last lecture because after this, she will really miss to hear a lecture about animal. i quote, "for some people it might be 50 minutes intelligence crap talking, but for me its like a story telling about animal that i craving for more". there, from her writing i can feel her strong passion towarsd what she's studying or doing now. she dont mind spending whole her time in the lab with her glowworm (her lab project i guess) and dont mind wake up as early as 4 am just to go to the field trip. for three years that is how her life is, but yet she is still craving for more. that the passion i need. last nite, my dear someone said, if he is giving a chance to do something that he's passion about, he will study and do it properly despites of only worrying about failing the course. the passion is more important. yet, i still complaining about the course, the lecturer, the assignment, the course, etc eventough i've been given the chance to do something that im passion about. i think i need to be more grateful about what i have and i need to find the passion that i used to have. i need to find and start doing it by heart and not just for the sake of the exam.

where art thou passion? please come back to me and im really sorry for ignoring you all this while.

..confuse..

kalau betul kitorang yang salah, takkan sampai semua orang pun salah? confuse kan? tapi hati aku kata kalau sekali je kau jadi camtu takpe la. tapi kalau kau dah buat berkali2 camne plak? itu munkin bisikan syaitan jugak tu. hati kitorang pun sakit jugak. ukhwah fillah tu bukan jadi sebelah pihak je. semua orang pun patut terlibat kan? heh. hati aku kata lagi "ah! suka hati la nak jadi apa?" tapi hakikatnya aku tetap berfikir dan kadang-kadang mengganggu fikiran aku. hakikatnya i do love u even sometimes i dont want to. confuse lagi. mungkin salah aku. kene banyak lagi reflect diri sendiri ni.
ya Allah ampun kan dosa hambaMu ini dan tunjukkan aku jalan ya Allah. semoga semua kembali seperti biasa.

at time like this, i need my family, i feel belong just being with them. we did fight sometimes but deep down inside i know they will always be there for me. loving me unconditionally. or maybe its just me having some sort of problem being too close with someone other than family. i feel pity for someone who didnt have this family bonding. i really do. i am grateful for each and everyone i love in my life. without them, i dont think i can face this world. and of course i need Allah the most. without Him i wont be existed in this world and i wont have the lovely people i have in my life now. i do want to erase some people in my life though, but maybe that is the best for me to learn something in this life. Allah know the best what i need.

p/s: crap entry and crap feeling. maybe because the exam is just around the corner and im started to feel the pressure. hehe.

..gembira..

happy mode on.

thank you Allah. Alhamdulillah.

decision is made. lets hope its for the best.

..jealous..

kadang-kadang saya cemburu dengan kehidupan orang laen
pastu rase tak bersyukur plak.
tapi betul cemburu.
mungkin bukan kehidupan la.
tapi ade sesuatu yang saye cemburu.
saye cemburu dengan kasih-sayang itu
dan bagaimana mereka meluahkan kasih-sayang itu.
di mana-mana sahaja mereka luahkan.
saya cemburu.

betul.

tak tipu.

tak bersyukurkah saya?

forgive me Allah for having this feeling.

..alhamdulillah..

found the calculator already! i left it in pharmaceutics laboratory the other day. terima kaseh nabilah tolong ambik kan. u are the best. terima kasih ya Allah kerana mengurniakan sahabat sebaek nabilah dan mengilhamkan pemikiran itu. Alhamdulillah.

ini kawan saye nabilah zainuddin. die suke buat aksi-aksi pelik bile amik gambar. hehe.

enough to make me happy :) thank you Allah for the feeling.

Hebatkan DIA? dalam sekelip mata DIA menghadiahkan perassan ini.

..bergembira di hujung minggu..

last weekend im having a great time with my friends (seperti selalu la hujung minggu mase berparti..hehe)

last thursday dora, kathy and me went to watch the phantom of the opera at adelaide entertainment centre. i never know i enjoy theater so much. the performance, the band, the song, the stage. i enjoy everything. at first i agree to watch the theater because i wanna gain an experience but im glad i agree because i really enjoy the show. plus the performer who plays Raoul in the performance is so handsome and hot. sangat kacak tak tipu. hehe.

last friday, we (pharmacist students) having our own little private party here in brompton. seperti biasa aktiviti makan2 menjadi program utama. then, we chit-chatting and playing game called silent killer. its a good game. haha. ade yg tensen jadi pembunuh tapi yang seronoknye ade jugak yg tensen jadi polis sampaikan menyerah diri awal sebab taktau camne nak tangkap pembunuh. haha. ade yang taktau nak kenyit mata bunuh orang n ade jugak yg salah kenyit mata sampaikan org tak faham yg die sedang membunuh. haha. jadi bykla aksi-aksi sepanjang permainan itu. hehe. all in all im having a good friday with my SIT friends. thanks for coming guys. do come again next time and we can have a party again? hehe.

on the friday night
me, dora, kathy n yasmin went to watch angels and demons. still not as best as you read the book but way better than da vinci code. okay la not so bad. but i dont like the ending. too clean ending. the ending in the book is better. but overall its ok.

on saturday n sunday i have a great time again with my friends here in adelaide. the friends who i feel bless having them in my life. the friends who will always be there with me through ups and downs. the friends who will tell me honestly and frankly when im wrong. the friends who together with me trying to be a better person day by day. the friends who i love so much.

again, thank you friends! my friends is one of the reason why i always looking forward to my weekend. hehe :D

i hope to be comfort

i hope to be loved

not to be mad at

not to be yelled at

not to be hated

last nite was rough

i love u

..incomplete..

my days always been great
and i feel grateful for that
im bless having such good and wonderful friends here in Adelaide that makes each my day very enjoyful and blissful.
having each of them in my life make the part of being away from my love ones a lot easier.


but still,
at the end of my day,
something is always missing, incomplete
there is a hole in my chest in each end of my day.
i wish we could be near to each other.
do the tiny little things together.



rindu yang tak pernah hilang.

..why it has to end..

this summer has come to its end
i really dont want it to end
the summer is the time where i can spend with my sayangs
spending time with my family is like having chocolate all day long
spending time with my little nephew alwiz makes me smile although sometimes he annoys me a lot
but i juz couldnt stop smiling when he hugs and kiss me to make it up with me :D
spending time with my crazy cousins makes me forget a while that all of us are growing up
it still feel like we were kids
and of course spending time with him makes me feel a lot happier
he alwiz know how to make me smile
and that makes me love him even more :D

who says departing get easier each time
for me departing from my love ones still getting harder each time
saying goodbye never been easy
it alwiz makes me feel like crying everytime i say goodbye
being away from them makes me real sad
luckily i have my friends here who make this departing part a lot easier

now the summer has end
it means,
another 10 months being far away from my love ones
another 10 months with books, assignment, test, exam
but hey,
look at the bright side
this also mean another 10 months i can spend my time with my friends who feel like family
the ones who alwiz have my back when all my love ones are far far away from me
i have to admit they make adelaide feel likes home by having them beside me
thanks a lot friends(dora, sal, nab, shafnah, khaty and also to all my friends in adelaide who make adelaide feel likes home)

and now the focus should be given to the 'pharmacist-in-the-making'
doing practical in hospital makes me really feel excited to become a pharmacist
so i promise myself to study hard this time
like one of my preceptor said,
"u should learn by heart, not just for the sake of exam"
and because of that i promise myself to struggle hard

..sometimes..

i wish i can accelerate time
and do what i should do
and change what i should change
sometimes i tired with my life

sometimes i think maybe if my life is not like this
it might be easier
might be much better
but who is me to think like that

Ya Allah,
forgive me for having this thought
give me the strength
give me the patience

..for now..

i dont like the feeling i have right now
its so sensitive
watching a not-so-sad scene easily pour my tears out
listening to a sad song easily makes me cry
even when my mom or my family raise up their voice a bit,
i will feel sad and cry
i know they have no intention to yell at me
but i couldnt stop the tears from pouring out
i juz dont understand why

the negative thought keep bugging me
i know its not a good thought but still i think about it
i know its irrational sometimes
but the thing is,
i juz couldnt stop thinking the negative thing
i juz dont understand why

i dont like this post
it sound emo
but i need to let this out

..after a long time..

its not that i dont have the time to update the blog
it just i am busy spending time with my love ones
and internet is just not as fancy as before..by before i mean
when i am not at home with my sayangs :D

ouh summer
i love my summer
spending time with my love ones never been boring
eventough sometimes my brothers and my nephew annoy me
and i cannot stand when my mother nagging
but that is what makes my summer interesting..haha
and of course being near to him makes me a lot happier :D

and i am doing my practical at hospital kuala lumpur now
its an interesting work experience
i really enjoy the work
spending time with enthusiastic pharmacist and playing around with drugs
makes me become more excited to become a pharmacist one day
insyaAllah

thats it for now
till then

i feel grateful for i've been given another chance to spend time with my love ones
alhamdulillah
thank you Allah for this chance and for the love ones i have
:D

..so i am home..

finally

i am home
a big YEAY!
for i wait this very moment a long time ago
however,
the feeling is not as 'yeay' as i imagine
something is still missing
that 'someone' that i really wanna meet when im here
is not really here
i havent heard from him since im landing here,
in malaysia

you know who you are
please contact me
please do so
i will wait

but the family
im happy with them
i gonna cherish every moment with them as long as i am here

and i bet,
my summer will be great
and it will be more great if i could spend the whole summer with him

..fear..

im scared,
the feeling might fade away

im scared,
i might not feel it anymore

im scared,
i might lost the feeling

the feeling that i cherish all this while

..nothing..

during the exam week, i was hoping the exam finish faster
now that the exam had finished
i dun really feel the excitation after finishing exam
i wonder what happen to the feeling

i want to treasure the feeling
the feeling that i thought would be great
but now, i guess i will never really feel it, right?

..can i skip the title..

i dun like this feeling i have right now
at one time i feel so secured about everything
and at other time i feel insecured about every single thing

no,
i dun like it

..confuse..

n now i really confuse

or maybe it just me

or im just too worry about the thing i shouldn't

but i do confuse now

lets hope its nothing

..makan-makan sebelum exam..

ah,
saya gembira
betul saya tak tipu
bergelak ketawa seperti dunia kami yang punya
sambil makan berkotak-kotak pizza
dan berbatang-batang kentang goreng
juga cream puff yang gemuk dan sihat
dan tidak lupa juga kek keju kegemaran
yang sering memberikan saya perasaan yang tidak dapat digambarkan dengan kata-kata apabila keju mencair di dalam mulut
sungguh saya tak tipu
kata-kata komersial KFC, sehingga menjilat jari
mungkin dapat menggambarkan sedikit sebanyak perasaan saya

ah,
tapi bukan itu sahaja faktor utama saya gembira
tapi mereka-mereka yang hadir yang menjadi faktor utama
mereka-mereka yang sentiasa ada kala orang yang disayangi semua berada jauh sekali
mereka-mereka semua kelihatan gembira hari ini
bergelak ketawa terbahak-bahak
seperti tidak betul lagaknya
dari bab yang sekecil zarah pun menjadi bahan gelak
cahaya-cahaya yang bersinar menambahkan lagi kegirangan hati kami
di mana sahaja ada cahaya itu
semua pun beriya-iya mempamerkan keputihan gigi masing-masing
seperti iklan ubat gigi sahaja lagaknya
tapi itu betul-betul buat saya gembira

ah,
terima kasih untuk hari ini
selepas ini mereka-mereka dan saya
akan sibuk mengejar cita-cita
mungkin selepas tuntutan dunia kami penuhi
akan kami akan berparti liar lagi
dan mungkin bergelak ketawa lebih dari tadi

ah,
saya doakan semoga semua akan berjaya
menjalani minggu-minggu mendatang dengan tenang
akan saya tunggu dengan sabar hari-hari
kita akan bergelak ketawa lagi

terima kasih rakan-rakan!

ouh,
terima kasih juga kepada chill berperisa cola
terasa segar menikmati kesejukannya pada malam hari
di musim bunga ini

:D

..missing..

Where did he go?
seeing him online is enough for me
but now,
even seeing him virtually is impossible
lately study is conquering us
and time seem jealous to us

i will try to hide the feeling as much as i can
masking it with smile and laugh
but deep inside misery is the companion