..lupa..

lari dari realiti sampai terlupa kewujudan realiti itu.
sibuk merancang masa hadapan hingga terlupa kewujudan realiti itu.
realiti itu masih di situ dan tak hilang begitu sahaja.
terpaksa merancang semula. sukar tapi tiada pilihan.
if only i could change the fact.
terima kasih kepada yang mengingatkan kembali kepada realiti itu.
terima kasih kepada yang setia menyokong dan sentiasa mengingatkan.
terima kasih kepada yang setia di sini walaupun kau punya pilihan untuk pergi.
kau punya banyak pilihan untuk terus hidup tanpa realiti yang menyakitkan itu.
tapi kau masih setia untuk memilih yang menyakitkan.
jutaan terima kasih untuk semua-semua. aku akan terus menjagamu selagi ku mampu.
bersyukur dipertemukan dengan kau di salah satu persimpangan jalan hidup ini.
terima kasih untuk semua.

TERIMA KASIH
always.

..envy..

aku cemburu pada kehidupan itu. kehidupan yang aku rasekan cukup sempurna. aku mempersoalkan perbezaan kehidupan aku dan kau. aku mahukan itu. sungguh kehidupan mereka buat aku menangis. bukan sebab terlalu sedih. tapi kehidupan itu betul-betul menyentuh bahagian sensitif dalam segumpal daging ini yang mampu membuat aku menangis. ini bukan nangis yang main-main atau sekadar rase simpati. ini tangisan yang gembira campur cemburu yang aku tak mampu tahan-tahan lagi walaupun di hadapan khalayak ramai. sungguh aku cemburu kehidupan itu. bukan cemburu mahu hancurkan kehidupan kau tapi cemburu kerana aku mahukan kehidupan yang macam itu juga. kasih sayang yang macam itu juga. ketabahan yang macam itu juga. kebergantungan yang macam itu juga. isgtighfar sebentar kerana tiba-tiba rase tak bersyukur. takpela kawan, semoga kehidupan kamu kekal bahagia dan aku harap kehidupan aku akan bahagia juga seperti kau. aku doakan. doakan aku juga ya. sungguh aku mahukan kehidupan yang seperti kamu-kamu. tabahla hati. perancangan ALLAH untuk setiap umatNya adalah yang terbaek.

..the feeling..

..kenape perlu rase macam itu? rase macam cemburu dengan kehidupan orang laen. again, this feeling is unreasonable. haih. saye sepatutnye gembira atas kegembiraan orang lain kan? Ya Allah ampunkan hambaMu ini kerana mempunyai penyakit hati ini.

..somehow

..i just feel left out. which is unreasonable. i have such good and nice friends with me here in adelaide who always there for me, a lovely family who never fail to pray for me and always love me despite of distances, a sunshine who never fail to keep my day shining eventough there are miles between us. I am blessed for having these much loves and yet the feeling is just too complicated and unstable, sensitive is my new friend. shooh..shooh i dun need u.

Tidak bersyukurkah aku ya Allah?

Ya Allah kurniakan ketenangan dalam hati ini. hanya Kau yang mampu.

Ahlan Wa Sahlan ya Ramadhan.

Kepada semua kenalan,

Saya mohon maaf atas setiap kesalahan saya pada kalian. Mohon di maafkan.

..alhamdulillah..

found the calculator already! i left it in pharmaceutics laboratory the other day. terima kaseh nabilah tolong ambik kan. u are the best. terima kasih ya Allah kerana mengurniakan sahabat sebaek nabilah dan mengilhamkan pemikiran itu. Alhamdulillah.

ini kawan saye nabilah zainuddin. die suke buat aksi-aksi pelik bile amik gambar. hehe.

enough to make me happy :) thank you Allah for the feeling.

Hebatkan DIA? dalam sekelip mata DIA menghadiahkan perassan ini.

..future

..scares the hell out of me. it so vague and no one knows what gonna happens in the future. i feel sorry for a friend of mine. i always thought she's gonna have a wonderful life. but it doesnt turn out like what i thought. but who is me to predict the future. im praying and hoping whatever happen in the future ill be able to go through it and have the strength to go through the future. last two nite i have fight with someone important in my life about future that we plan to be better than our previous generation. again, who are us to predict the future. we can only plan the future but the future is in HIS hand to be written. ya Allah semoga kau berikan aku kekuatan untuk melalui masa depan yang kau tuliskan untuk ku. ape pun mase depan itu.

friend, if u ever need me. ill alwiz be here for u. ya Allah berikan kekuatan dan ketabahan kepada sahabatku. amin.

..can someone remind me again why i choose to be a pharmacist..

..i always ask this question to raudhah, and she always layan me*i bet shes getting bored by my question, but hey, shes a really good friend as she always layan my karenah..hehe..thanks raudhah for that* back to the title, i always ask her this question in Applied Pharmacotherapeutics class because Adam Phillips*though he is really handsome and charming also* always make me asking this question to myself. Being in his class makes me realized I have a big responsibilities by being a pharmacist. I have to make a big decision for other people and I cant afford to make a wrong decision because these people rely on me about their medicines*there are so many adverse effect for each medicines you take* I am responsible to each medicines I give to the patient. Once I make a mistake the consequences might be fatal. We are talking about someone's life here and I really have to make a good decision for him or her as if I know him or her very well la kan. haih! There is no chance for me to make a tiny bit mistake once I am a pharmacist. Plus, nowadays there a many types of drug for the same type of disease. Dont get me wrong, it is good thing that patient have many choices for themselves because each person is different and unique. Im not only talking about their characteristics, but how our body work also different from each other this is include how our body react to each drugs is also different for each and every person. Hence, as a pharmacist, I have to really have a good knowledge about these things in order to decide which drug is best for each patient. The hardest part is, I have to make a really good decision about which among the thousands of drugs for each particular disease will be very beneficial for the patient. And again I said, I cant afford to make a mistake because the consequences might be fatal. I also have to take into account their lifestyles, age, gender, race, religion and bla, bla, bla before i make a decision. And I am expected to know all these in a very short time*say half an hour the most* adoi! laen la if the patient is my family members or someone close to me kan, It might be easier kot. Imagine a stranger whose you only know for 5 minutes and then, you are expected to know everything about the stranger and make a really good decision for him or her and..and if anything happen to the stranger, she or he will always have a pharmacist to blame. nice~ So, I really have to be a damn good communicator that can relay the information in simple yet understandable language to the patient about how to take the medication and what to expect from the medications. Gibberish talk wont help here eventhough hyperkalamiea, hypernatremiae and mystalgia sounds really cool kan. Back to Adam class, when he presents a case or an example, he always left us make our own decision because he said every pharmacist have their own way of judgementing something. There is no right or wrong about how we choose what type of drug or treatment that will suit for the patient, but bear in mind that someone's life is in your hand*asif I needed it la kan* hence, a wise decision is critical here people. That is why I alwiz ask myself the above question in his class. It is really different from other class like Biology or Chemistry or Physics when every question have a really solid answer. Its either A or B, but in his class I really have to THINK wisely before making any decision and I really have to have a real good reason why I decide my decision. Haih!

I really hope one day ill be expert in making decision because making a good decision for myself is real hard, let alone making decision for the others, and I cant turn back now just because i am scared of making decision. Adoi! That is why i am asking if someone can remind me again why i choose pharmacist in the first place because right now I myslef doubt about my decision.haha.

but this doesn't mean that im not excited to become a pharmacist or I dont wanna be a pharmacist. I always have, but I doubt if pharmacist suit me when making a decision for myself already give headache to me.haha.

..masih sama..

mereka kata
makin lama makin senang
makin biasa
makin mudah menyesuaikan diri
tapi mungkin tidak bagi saya

rasa itu masih sama seperti dulu

masih terasa susah berjauhan dari mereka yang tersayang

masih rasa rindu yang sama
masih terasa tidak selamat seperti dulu
masih ragu-ragu dengan keputusan sendiri
masih terasa muda walaupun sebenarnya usia makin meningkat
masih kurang yakin pada diri
masih terasa ingin dimanja
masih terasa ingin dijaga oleh keluarga
masih ingin diberitahu mana yang betul dan mana yang salah
masih ingin mendengar mereka mengingatkan saya
masih ingin disuap bila makan
masih ingin bergaduh dengan abang-abang
masih mahu berkelakuan seperti anak-anak kecil
masih mahu diberi perhatian
masih mahu kehidupan diurus mereka
masih mahu mereka buat keputusan untuk saya

tapi saya tahu
saya patut jadi lebih matang
patut lebih tahu menilai mana yang baik dan mana yang buruk
patut tahu menguruskan hidup sendiri
patut tidak berkelakuan seperti anak-anak kecil
patut ada tujuan hidup
patut menyusun kehidupan
patut mampu memikul tanggungjawab sendiri
patut berkelakuan seperti orang dewasa
patut tahu buat keputusan sendiri

kadang-kadang,
saya ingin kekal kanak-kanak
tidak perlu memikirkan apa-apa
tidak perlu risaukan apa-apa
hanya perlu risau tentang permainan hari esok
tidak ada tanggungjawab yang perlu dipikul
hanya bermain dengan gembira
menangis apabila susah
tidak risau pandangan orang lain

kadang-kadang,
saya mahu pulang ke zaman kanak-kanak saya
tidak perlu jaga hati semua orang
hanya ingin gembira dan bermain sahaja

..sometimes I forget..

"But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you;

and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you.

And Allah Knows, while you know not"(2:216)

..happy..

1. the love letter from HIM is the best love letter ever. It never fails to make me happy even at my worst.
2. I want the happy ending. He does said, "Oleh itu, setiap kesusahan akan disertai kesenangan. Setiap kesusahan akan disertai kesenangan. Kemudian apabila selesai (daripada sesuatu amalan), maka bersungguh-sungguhlah engkau berusaha. Dan kepada Tuhanmu sahajalah tempat engkau bermohon." (Al- Insyirah, 94: 5-8). He is the best ever.
3. people come and go, but He will alwiz be there for me.