.........

sombong

&

kurang ajar

nice~

i hate feeling vulnerable

..can someone remind me again why i choose to be a pharmacist..

..i always ask this question to raudhah, and she always layan me*i bet shes getting bored by my question, but hey, shes a really good friend as she always layan my karenah..hehe..thanks raudhah for that* back to the title, i always ask her this question in Applied Pharmacotherapeutics class because Adam Phillips*though he is really handsome and charming also* always make me asking this question to myself. Being in his class makes me realized I have a big responsibilities by being a pharmacist. I have to make a big decision for other people and I cant afford to make a wrong decision because these people rely on me about their medicines*there are so many adverse effect for each medicines you take* I am responsible to each medicines I give to the patient. Once I make a mistake the consequences might be fatal. We are talking about someone's life here and I really have to make a good decision for him or her as if I know him or her very well la kan. haih! There is no chance for me to make a tiny bit mistake once I am a pharmacist. Plus, nowadays there a many types of drug for the same type of disease. Dont get me wrong, it is good thing that patient have many choices for themselves because each person is different and unique. Im not only talking about their characteristics, but how our body work also different from each other this is include how our body react to each drugs is also different for each and every person. Hence, as a pharmacist, I have to really have a good knowledge about these things in order to decide which drug is best for each patient. The hardest part is, I have to make a really good decision about which among the thousands of drugs for each particular disease will be very beneficial for the patient. And again I said, I cant afford to make a mistake because the consequences might be fatal. I also have to take into account their lifestyles, age, gender, race, religion and bla, bla, bla before i make a decision. And I am expected to know all these in a very short time*say half an hour the most* adoi! laen la if the patient is my family members or someone close to me kan, It might be easier kot. Imagine a stranger whose you only know for 5 minutes and then, you are expected to know everything about the stranger and make a really good decision for him or her and..and if anything happen to the stranger, she or he will always have a pharmacist to blame. nice~ So, I really have to be a damn good communicator that can relay the information in simple yet understandable language to the patient about how to take the medication and what to expect from the medications. Gibberish talk wont help here eventhough hyperkalamiea, hypernatremiae and mystalgia sounds really cool kan. Back to Adam class, when he presents a case or an example, he always left us make our own decision because he said every pharmacist have their own way of judgementing something. There is no right or wrong about how we choose what type of drug or treatment that will suit for the patient, but bear in mind that someone's life is in your hand*asif I needed it la kan* hence, a wise decision is critical here people. That is why I alwiz ask myself the above question in his class. It is really different from other class like Biology or Chemistry or Physics when every question have a really solid answer. Its either A or B, but in his class I really have to THINK wisely before making any decision and I really have to have a real good reason why I decide my decision. Haih!

I really hope one day ill be expert in making decision because making a good decision for myself is real hard, let alone making decision for the others, and I cant turn back now just because i am scared of making decision. Adoi! That is why i am asking if someone can remind me again why i choose pharmacist in the first place because right now I myslef doubt about my decision.haha.

but this doesn't mean that im not excited to become a pharmacist or I dont wanna be a pharmacist. I always have, but I doubt if pharmacist suit me when making a decision for myself already give headache to me.haha.

..hari merah..

we coincidentally wearing red today :D

so, its a red day!

..old..

will u grow old with me?

..masih sama..

mereka kata
makin lama makin senang
makin biasa
makin mudah menyesuaikan diri
tapi mungkin tidak bagi saya

rasa itu masih sama seperti dulu

masih terasa susah berjauhan dari mereka yang tersayang

masih rasa rindu yang sama
masih terasa tidak selamat seperti dulu
masih ragu-ragu dengan keputusan sendiri
masih terasa muda walaupun sebenarnya usia makin meningkat
masih kurang yakin pada diri
masih terasa ingin dimanja
masih terasa ingin dijaga oleh keluarga
masih ingin diberitahu mana yang betul dan mana yang salah
masih ingin mendengar mereka mengingatkan saya
masih ingin disuap bila makan
masih ingin bergaduh dengan abang-abang
masih mahu berkelakuan seperti anak-anak kecil
masih mahu diberi perhatian
masih mahu kehidupan diurus mereka
masih mahu mereka buat keputusan untuk saya

tapi saya tahu
saya patut jadi lebih matang
patut lebih tahu menilai mana yang baik dan mana yang buruk
patut tahu menguruskan hidup sendiri
patut tidak berkelakuan seperti anak-anak kecil
patut ada tujuan hidup
patut menyusun kehidupan
patut mampu memikul tanggungjawab sendiri
patut berkelakuan seperti orang dewasa
patut tahu buat keputusan sendiri

kadang-kadang,
saya ingin kekal kanak-kanak
tidak perlu memikirkan apa-apa
tidak perlu risaukan apa-apa
hanya perlu risau tentang permainan hari esok
tidak ada tanggungjawab yang perlu dipikul
hanya bermain dengan gembira
menangis apabila susah
tidak risau pandangan orang lain

kadang-kadang,
saya mahu pulang ke zaman kanak-kanak saya
tidak perlu jaga hati semua orang
hanya ingin gembira dan bermain sahaja

..why it has to end..

this summer has come to its end
i really dont want it to end
the summer is the time where i can spend with my sayangs
spending time with my family is like having chocolate all day long
spending time with my little nephew alwiz makes me smile although sometimes he annoys me a lot
but i juz couldnt stop smiling when he hugs and kiss me to make it up with me :D
spending time with my crazy cousins makes me forget a while that all of us are growing up
it still feel like we were kids
and of course spending time with him makes me feel a lot happier
he alwiz know how to make me smile
and that makes me love him even more :D

who says departing get easier each time
for me departing from my love ones still getting harder each time
saying goodbye never been easy
it alwiz makes me feel like crying everytime i say goodbye
being away from them makes me real sad
luckily i have my friends here who make this departing part a lot easier

now the summer has end
it means,
another 10 months being far away from my love ones
another 10 months with books, assignment, test, exam
but hey,
look at the bright side
this also mean another 10 months i can spend my time with my friends who feel like family
the ones who alwiz have my back when all my love ones are far far away from me
i have to admit they make adelaide feel likes home by having them beside me
thanks a lot friends(dora, sal, nab, shafnah, khaty and also to all my friends in adelaide who make adelaide feel likes home)

and now the focus should be given to the 'pharmacist-in-the-making'
doing practical in hospital makes me really feel excited to become a pharmacist
so i promise myself to study hard this time
like one of my preceptor said,
"u should learn by heart, not just for the sake of exam"
and because of that i promise myself to struggle hard

..sometimes..

i wish i can accelerate time
and do what i should do
and change what i should change
sometimes i tired with my life

sometimes i think maybe if my life is not like this
it might be easier
might be much better
but who is me to think like that

Ya Allah,
forgive me for having this thought
give me the strength
give me the patience